Shortly before a family holiday to South Africa in September 2007, I found out I was pregnant after 4 long years of trying to conceive.
About a week later we were about to fly to SA but at the airport I started spotting blood, ever so slightly.
I thought it was probably implant bleeding as both my mom and 2 sisters experienced this in pregnancy.
Finally arrived in SA after a long flight and told the family the good news. Everyone was so excited and shared our joy. The family went on a shopping spree the next day buying clothes, blankets etc for the baby.
But once again I started bleeding but this time more noticeable. Went to hospital, doctors scanned said there is a heartbeat and couldn’t see anything wrong.
Two days later I was once again back at hospital but this time confirmed I was definitely miscarrying – no heartbeat and embryo not “attaching”.
The gynecologist was so cold and unfeeling when he told me and immediately told me the options available and asked how I was going to pay.
Took medication and miscarried my baby at my parents’ home – alone.
However, the support I got in the UK was much better.
The GP have me names of miscarriage support groups.
Almost 7 months to the day I fell pregnant with my rainbow baby.
There was very early cramping and spotting but this time I carried to term and had a healthy little girl – she turned 10 three weeks ago.
When she was 17 months old I fell pregnant again to another girl, who is 7 years old now.
I love my girls but often think of my first child and wonder what s/he would look like, what their personality would be like, mannerisms etc.
However I hadn’t miscarried, my eldest girl wouldn’t have been born. Every September I always remember it was x many years ago that we lost our baby.
I will never forget, that baby is still so loved and was so wanted.
We prayed so long and hard for our babies and know that they’re an answer to prayer and blessing from the Lord.
“In her deep anguish Hannah prayed to the Lord, weeping bitterly.”
– 1 Samuel 1:10
Having them is also helped with the healing of our loss.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
– Jeremiah 1:5